that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
