I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
whose parrot is this?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm getting married
To pizza
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
