Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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