i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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