Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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