idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
