i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A bitchslap is in order.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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