i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
