i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm at about main and main street
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
