Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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