i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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