I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
