just come out here and I will go home with you...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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