Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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