Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
