We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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