so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
