Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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