if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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