She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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