If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
