a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just googled if crying burns calories
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
