She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
