no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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