Sober January is a disaster.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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