I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
