Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
