I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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