I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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