I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
