It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He? As in you personified your dick?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
