Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
