i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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