This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
