If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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