So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
