Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
