he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
