She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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