dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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