Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
