The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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