I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
