is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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