You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
