Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
