I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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