Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
