That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
