I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm always down for nudity.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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