Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
