bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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