Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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