Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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