So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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