my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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