I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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