My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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