I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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