I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
