plz talk dirty to me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
