i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
