Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
