My brain says no but my pants say off.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm too high and old for this...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
