Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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