This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
