that's an acceptable place to lick
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was CRYING into my vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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